Scattered

Time to gather myself in from all the places I’ve flung myself in recent days— appointments, computer screens, living rooms, kitchens, restaurants, coffee shops and donation boxes of all varieties— where I happily and mindlessly dropped off my energy because I had some. I should have gotten a receipt, but I was too busy having […]

A Most Fortunate Woman

It’s strange. When I write about or dip down into my everyday experience of the limitations of my illness… when I talk about how bad it can sometimes get… it can feel like I’m lying. Because, really, I am a most fortunate woman. With some years of experience, I know I have to say yes, […]

The Prescription

Sometimes it feels less like I have a disease, and more like the disease has me— with deep aching pain in muscles and joints and chronic fatigue that can turn into life-crippling crashes when my energy plunges so low I’m on the floor, too exhausted to move or talk, just cryin’-tired, no treatment, no cure. […]

Passage

The sun rises, the sun sets… the seasons roll… the river bank gives way to the river… the stone steps become more swaybacked foot by foot… even the stars in the vastness of space are born, gleam their light-years, dim and die… everything built up wears down… everything that comes, goes… what exists does not […]

The Wrong Measuring Stick

I fail. I miss the mark. I do not measure up. I am constantly beaten down or beaten up, constantly falling short comparing myself to others, never reaching unreachable marks… until one day a change-thought comes crowding in— You are using the wrong measuring stick. Yes. I see. I am held captive by a Prison […]

The Infinite Holy

My spiritual mentor— former nun, poet, Ph.D., delver in ancient myths, student of Jung’s work, all her life legally-blind— when speaking of God would often use the name “Holy One.” Not God, not Creator, not Father or anything I’d ever heard, but “Holy One.” And each time I heard her say “Holy One,” I felt […]

Reflections

I have my chair turned to the window today— a bright, breezy morning in September. A low white cloud breathes out a frosty fog-breath that dissolves into wisps as it goes sliding down the slope of a hill below. Sunshine and breeze strike the silver disco ball hanging outside on the balcony, sending spots and […]

Hole In The Scrim

Sometimes amid the hum and drum and din of all my daily-ness, in some rare-suddenly, and for just an instant, a gap opens in the wraparound scenery of my reality and I am on the other side of life’s scrim— in the same scene, but different now: weightless, new, unencumbered. …Stripped away, the itchy-bitchy, worn […]

Mushroom Bourguignon

While I made the Mushroom Bourguignon… while I sliced the Portobello mushrooms, sautéed them with onions and garlic… while I added carrots and tomatoes… while I poured in broth and good red wine… while I savored that feeling of well-being I get from having something special simmering on the stove for dinner, warming the house […]

Aunt Peg Bakes Cookies

There’s a story in my family… Aunt Peg, a wee wisp of a womanway up in Michigan’s north woods,wanted to bake cookies for her kids—something happy,a warm sweet treat to greet themwhen they camebanging in the doorafter school. So she preheated the oven,readied ingredients, mixer,bowl and cookie sheets…then went to the couch to lie down. […]