My Quality-Assurance Engineer son
has been tech-supporting me via phone
as I stumble and fumble my low-tech
way into creating my new poetry blog.
I got to wondering how I sound to him.
If he were offering culinary tech-support
to me as a cook who is new to the kitchen,
I think I would sound a lot like this…
Tech Support: Great! So you want to make
mashed potatoes! First, look in your utensil
drawer and take out a potato peeler—
Long pause, background clatter.
Me: I don’t see it. It’s cold in here and all I
see in the drawer are celery and carrots.
Tech Support: You’re looking in the refrigerator.
I said to look in the utensil drawer.
Long pause, footsteps back and forth
Me: You said “utensil drawer,” didn’t you?
I don’t think I have one.
Tech Support: Yes, you do. Every kitchen
has one. Where do you keep your tools?
Pause, brain scan, aha!
Me: Oh! Tools! They’re in the garage!
Tech Support: No, where do you keep
the tools you use in the kitchen?
Me: Oh, that kind of tool. Just a minute…
Random drawer rummaging, finally…
Me: triumphantly brandishing a cheese slicer.
I’ve got it! I’ve got it: the potato peeler!
Now how do you work this thing?
And by the way, what’s a potato?